What Motherhood Is Like To Me

by - May 17, 2018



Been a mom for 4 years, and was promoted as a mother of 2 last August, but I'm yet to master this special task.

Yes, it is a special task.

I always feel like my responsibility as a wife, mother, daughter and an employee all at the same time is contradicting with my needs to have a proper sleep, free mind and time for myself.

After the whole hectic weekdays at the office and at home, I wish I could enjoy my short weekend and then...

Dad calls:

D: "Mana cucu abah? Tak balik ke hari ni?"
Me: "Tak. Nak kemas rumah harini."
D: "Ok. Abah datang sanalah."
Me: "No. Haven't clean up yet."
D: "Tak apa. Nak jumpa cucu je. Dah on the way ni."

Dad always call when he is already on his way to my home. Which means I only have around 5 minutes or so to declutter the mess on the floor, couch, TV cabinet, literally everywhere. (Read Mess: my kids toys)

That's number one. Situation number 2 is when my husband got to work on afternoon shift, which means he'll be home at 11pm nearly to 12am and I have to watch after the kids all alone. Mikael is very clingy, I can't leave him even only for seconds! As for Aireen, sometimes I have to seek her assistance in watching after her little brother when I cook or do chores but, 9 over 10 times I caught her 'bullying' Mikael. So, no chores, no cooking, no nothing! T.T

There are times when both (or either) kids fall asleep, that's heaven to me (even just for a few minutes).  The moment I think that's the best time to take a nap or some rest, the basket full of unfolded clothes, then the messy kitchen caught my eyes T.T

But motherhood is not just about doing chores or changing diapers. Educating kids is equally challenging, I must say. Aireen is 4 years old, and she asks sooo many question about literally anything, and some questions are just annoying!

Last night:

Aireen: "Papa balik bila?"
Me: "pukul 12 kejap lagi"
Aireen: "Papa balik bila?"
Me: "pukul 12 kejap lagi, kakak."
Aireen: "Papa balik bila?"
Me: "Oh my God, Aireen. Kejap lagi. Kan mama dah jawab."
Aireen : "Bila? Malam ke petang?"

T.T

There are times I feel like a piece of shit.

Many times I feel like many pieces of shit.

I enjoy this motherhood journey so much (especially when both kids are asleep and well behaved 😆 ) but somehow I wish there is SOP or Policy on motherhood to make this learning easy.

Still a long way to go.

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